Telling Tales — Sunday vs Nomads [A]

Good morning all and a big thank you to everyone who turned up yesterday whilst some were big ballering it up in turkey on a well deserved holiday ( Emma) or on your way back from safari or quaffing Darjeeling tea on a plantation in Asia ( Nick, as you’re flying cattle let’s hope you’re not on row 46F next to the nun playing the guitar!)

So here we go then….Our big day out…a boiling hot day for a spot of leather on willow and boiling it was! Sun hats everywhere, 50+ factor, pale people in the shade and plenty of hydration was the order of the day. A beautiful setting for those who haven’t been to Ampney Crucis, a pub next door with a little bridge, a stream to catch all the 6’s that end up in there and a nice array of trees and fields surrounding the boundary and a massive house that has most likely had a ball or two through the windows. Our fans arrive in their masses, Justine Holly and Mrs Malc (Linda) to watch and bringing along the cool box with our lunch as sans tea laid on…cheapskates!

Ready for action, not sure if we won the toss but we were fielding which I don’t mind personally. Boom boom kicks off proceedings with his devilish quality bowling….Bang, first ball a 4 so the flashback from previous encounters come to the fore, this was going to be tough…Not deterred, Al evil eyed the opening batsman and pretended to twist the ball in his hands as though he was changing tactics so down came the second ball, dot, have some of that pal and again and again a single another dot… A good response with a total of 5 runs only in the opening over and respect big Al. Naushad steps up and what a great start with a beautifully fast paced maiden, top marks ol boy… It’s looking good, well done guys, let’s continue this and we did with barely any runs off Als next two overs and a couple of 4’s off Naushad. Some very tight bowling by the opening pair, we are now 6 overs 18 runs and and stand in captain Rich was puffing his hairy chest out for all to see ( well not quite, a bit was sticking out the top though). Tight is the order Rich is saying, keep it straight and they have to play it. Al steps up with Rich’s words ringing in his ears, go Al, down the wicket he runs ( well sort of a fast walk really) and a dot, then a cheeky 4 ensues another dot and then bam, leg stump flying into the air and the bamboozled opening bat looks around in dismay and disappointment as celebrations all around for the 🐏. Get in there boom boom..Warwick and pol overexcited at this point as pol is wanting to top up her alcohol levels after a heavy skull attack night on the Rose in the piece with her international DJ friend ( no idea who that is🤷‍♂️) she’s downloading the pub app to get their first ciders delivered to them as they think this is going to soon be over and we can get on it!!! Wrong btw…😂🍺

Come on Al, top in the sunday bowling stats and that’s for good reason. Let’s have another mate !

So the new batsman settles in and Al keen to get another he does a quick dash down the wicket and a dot. That’s okay, then refocused he tries again and bam another wicket but this time the batsman swings, looses his footing and crashes into the stumps and in the process has to be carried off the field with a knee injury so two wickets for Al ( they all count) he is on 🔥 not a bad finish to the over we are now 22 for two wickets, respect my man…Naushad has another over with only 4 runs conceded well done that’s tight. It’s Al’s turn again and with pinpoint accuracy he takes another boom boom wicket respect my man and bowled him at that, what a player!! 3 wickets and Al’s starting to think about his acceptance speech at the Ramsbury awards later in the year for top bowler and thanking god and all those sort of things… Deservingly so…A master class of bowling from Al as he finishes with 7 overs 3 wickets and only 16 runs, that my fellow cricketers is a top top level performance.

In and amongst the legendary bowling were some great and comical fielding performances for example, wills butter basted hands and dropped catches ( sorry to mention it) , Malc’s step overs and nearly falling into the boundary hedge, naushads megs on the boundary. Equally, pol was on top form stop just about everything and in a position that got a fair bit of action, there was a dive at one point to stop a boundary, top fielding indeed. Not sure her hangover was pleased with that bit of her sporting exuberance .

So now it’s the walls turn to fire a few down the strip…I will say at this point next in the crease is the big ol unit that at our home game last year smashed a 6 over the trees from the wall I think and looked like it was on its way to burbage plus multiple boundaries along the way. He can pack a punch as Charlie found out to his detriment last year whilst trying to stop a boundary and then 5 hours in AnE.. Be careful with this one Rich instructs. Cmon the wall and take revenge. Well, a first dot ball and then a 4 and some dots and a wide, no great shakes and 5, not bad against this guy considering he’s not keen on running the singles and only a boundary hunter. It’s my turn now, Rich sets the field again and I go for the wicket ( not sure that was my best idea but I had a go) not too bad 6 runs, I’ll take that. Another good over from the wall then up I go again and I decide to throw three different balls to fix him and be clever, yep you guessed it, 6,6,4. F#ck what a numpty, why did I do that, no idea so I reverted to my 1970’s 90 degree run up and normal cross seam bowling which was smarter. I apologised to skipper Rich and as Rich is the nicest man in the world he said dont worry refocus you’ll be fine, you know what to do. Thanks Rich ( I know you were really thinking #@@# or that sort of thing!) The wall and I continued our partnership and in the walls 3rd over he had the breakthrough a lovely wicket maiden, I think caught by Laurence heading for the boundary and what a casual quality catch it was too. It was seamlessly caught and had it missed you would have been heading to Turkey on the next flight to have you teeth sorted out and whitened as it was heading that way! Bravery for sure. Our big ol unit ( real name jones) continued to lose cricket balls in the woods or pub garden flexing his muscles each time he hit a boundary. The wall continued his good new found pace bowling and took another wicket from a catch probably Will this time after he’d washed the butter off his hands and was ready for action, well done mate. I managed a wicket with a nice little pitched up ball a top edge from the bat and safe hands from Sam the man, thanks ol mucker. We ended up the wall 47-2 and me 46-1 after 7 overs, not my best but 6 an over with this guy I’m okay with. So our friend Jack jones we will call him was furiously smacking 6’s and 4’s like it was second nature which it was of course. So at this point it’s appropriate to mention the obvious reasoning to no retiring was due to ringer jacky boy winning their games for them because if it wasn’t for him, they would be lower than average in the batting stats ( calculated by rich via his vlook up table in his head) brainy boy 😂).

I think we are about 28 overs in 155 plus 6 wickets. Laurence and Will both stepping up for the final overs, cmon chaps…..Let’s get Jacko out…Laurence steps up a nice cool run up and slow to medium pace and a single, that’s alright nice length ol boy. 3 more singles and then a 4 and total of 7..okay that’s fine. Will spin meister has a couple of 4’s and singles and an unusual wide, again that’s okay… Jacko was already heading for his best score ever in the history of AC cricket club as it turned out and I thought he might walk at 100, he didn’t which was bad form in my book🤷‍♂️. He then got stuck in with a few more boundaries 4’s and a 6 and then Laurence takes a lovely wicket via the stumps, loved that but it wasn’t our mate Jacko, nevertheless what a great bowl, love a stump flying ( at this point big Al is referring to his NASA calculator to see if he’s catching him up on the bowling stakes, don’t sweat boom boom, you got this). Again up Laurence goes with his tranquil run up and a couple of dot balls. I’m liking this. Next ball a nice similar paced delivery, pitched a bit and bam caught for a duck, cracking grommit, another wicket as Al double checks his stats again, it’s okay Al! So as Will plays us out, Jacko ups his boundary tally with a couple of 6’s and then decides to concede as he knows it’s his best score ever and walks out of his crease which Sam duly stumps him. A couple more dot balls and it’s all over and done with on 35 overs after 2hrs 30 in the heat we held fast and did ourselves proud, a bit of a mountain to climb but we are after all Ramsbury bulldogs and dabchicks remember. So our ol mate Jacko hit 127 of their 228 which tbf is massive respect and he did it in style. Our fielding and bowling was very good and in any other day without facing a Jacko, we would be well done before 35 overs… Well done captain Rich for your positivity and direction… Now it’s up to us to lose a few balls in that river or will we???… Batting to come…

So you know the deal, we are chasing 228 in 35 overs, cmon that’s only 6.5 per over, apiece if cake innit……Nope as it turned out but more of that later…

Skipper gathers us for a chat and talks batting order and his rationale to get the best bang for the buck! Maybe some adjustments necessary as we proceed through the overs but to start with Laurence and the Wall pad up, helmets on ( well Warwick’s) and saunter out into the sunshine, belly full of pork pies, crisps, fruit and the like. A few professional ski sit squats with their bat across the shoulders on the way out to show how professional they are ( you know the one, like the pro’s do when they go out? ). Batsman in is the call and a small rapture of clapping ensues. Out our warriors go to battle and see about smashing out a few runs. Warwick to face and a nice straight dot ball. Followed by a nice little drive and 2 runs so back on strike and then a nice 4 to start the tally. Laurence settles in with a series of dot balls, shuffles his feet and now looks comfortable to whack a few into the car park ( mind my MG) or pub. So a quick single and up and running on the scoreboard. Warwick keen to run them up was like a greyhound in the traps ready for the hare at White City, a delivery a little edge from him sent the ball boundary heading, Laurence speeds off down the strip trying to replicate his school 100m sports day prowess as a 15yr and almost got there if it wasn’t for a mighty fine throw in from the boundary straight onto the stumps, what a strike but sadly Laurence was on his way back to the clubhouse to finish the pork pies (if Malc hasn’t eaten them all) and by the look not in a very pleasant fetter. Never mind, out steps the northern hard man Northallertons hardest “Big Sam”to show these southern shandy swilling losers a thing or two and he did indeed. The partnership with the wall is legendary and they looked so in control out there, pol got back on the app to order more cider as she thought here we go, in the pub by 6pm. There were 6’s, multiple 4’s flying every from big Sam. What a joy to watch, he stood firm in every ball and attacked it as though his life depended on it, sans dot balls I feel was his thinking. The wall batted away a fair amount of pacey straight deliveries and was finding it hard to convert them. That’s fine, wise words from Rich “ see out their good bowlers, let them make the mistakes”and sure enough he batted them away. So they partnered until the 18th over and 108 runs where Warwick was taken by a lovely catch in the field. A great performance and resilience in all this heat, huge respect. As the wall took off his helmet the look of a ribena berry face was very evident so pol offered him the cider they had been stock piling…necked back in seconds. Gray next out and tbh, there’s been a huge spring in his step ( literally) these past few games and I have to say one of notable quality in batting and fielding ( I faced him in the week at a T20 away to minal and it was probably like facing Harold Larwood in the 1932/3 ashes tour! Proper speedy deliveries!) anyway I digress, all 6ft plus of him confidently strides out does the “is that middle umpire” thing, scratches the crease with his bat, slides foot along and has really no idea where middle is because there are 25 other lines ! Anyway, a few dot balls getting his eye in then a single and a three, couple dots, a few more singles, a between Sam and Gray they’re running them up. A four here and there a few more singles and a beautiful 6 from Gray, get in. We are at this point about 24 overs for 2 and about 125 runs, so what’s as a run rate…? About 5.2 or as Al would say 5.2.2….We need to start the offensive big time now. Well unfortunately our superhero big Sam was sent packing in the 26th over amassing a Bootiful 97 runs, what I hear you say, yes 97 runs… A monumental performance of the highest calibre and a definite 9.9.9 I thought to myself ( but who knows with Al😂). So it’s my turn, batsman no 5, who’d a thought it, out I step punch gloves in the way out, Gray gave me some solid advice and techniques to avoid being sent back home too early, okay I said and scuffed about a bit bats raised poised waiting for the bowler to deliver and deliver he did, pretty fast, straight as an arrow which I fitted away. I didn’t like that intro. So I poised again, the same ball and I can dot that and settle in I thought but it wasn’t to be, a nasty pitch sent it high onto the bat and going over the bowler but somehow he leapt like a salmon and swiped it out of the sky! Caught and bowled, oh well, a bit of bad luck I thought. So I trudged back to share the Halls cider drinking game I apologised to Rich who laughed and said never mind which we all do of course. Out goes Robo cop and looking ready for action gets off to a dot and then a single ( more than I got 🦆). Well done Malc. A few more nice batting strokes and fending away some nasty in swingers and all the time Gray running the singles, well done Malc. Another run chalked up for Malc before a plum LBW sent him back to the pavilion. A good effort ol boy and 2 runs💪. Naushad looked ready for action as he strolled out to face and despite suggesting he settle in and find his feet, he managed a dot and thought eff it, I’ll swing across the straight balls and boundary it and he can do this with ease on most occasions but not today, mistimed, the ball took the leg stump and bails with it! Sans runs and joining Seano on the fines list with a 🦆. Pols next up, out with confidence girl she strides, settles and looks keen to punch a few away from the never ending good bowls. A few dot balls getting her eye in and then a nice little strike and a quick single, nice one. All the time Gray is trying to run them up and a few they did. Unfortunately one too many left Gray charging back to the crease only to get stumped but it was close. Well done Gray that was a top draw performance and so much effort on the singles which made all the difference. Out comes our very own lesser spotted spinner Will who was keen to make things even and off to a good start with a 2 and then a lovely two fingered to the sky 6. Shortly after, pol succumbed to a beautiful in swinger again from their top wicket take, not much you could do about that delivery. A huge performance against top bowling which they didn’t hold back, you should be proud as we are gal and 2 runs🩷Captain Kirk Richardo comes in partners Will and continue with some fine shots with another 4 from will and same for Rich , we are coming to the end of the 35th and then run a three up and Will finishes on a well timed 4…… What a game, absolutely brilliant, twists and turns and everything you could ask for and more….Well done to everyone it was a great game to be involved in and 197 is a win under any other circumstances. Back to the pub for liquid refreshments, pisstaking, fines, video and Al’s scoring matrix which had us all bamboozled as per….Thanks all for being you lot… 🩷

T20 in the week don’t forget..

Of course all a work of fiction but that’s how it is 😂. Apologies to captain Rich for missing him off the wickets taken as I accidentally gave them to Laurence. You knew that though didn’t you! 😂

Seano

[Once again, a huge thanks to Seano for the quality report!]