Telling Tails — Sundaze vs Welford Park

Righty o here we go, it’s been a while since we had an el reportio on the ole cricket so I thought it’s about time we resurrected it again to remind ourselves how much fun we have on a Sunday afternoon whilst playing this wonderful game. It does seem however a lifetime ago since we were chortling about our endeavours and shenanigans in the field and arguing over the fines list but that’s all about to change as we start our adventure of Sunday social cricket 2026.

Well before we start, we must acknowledge the massive amount of work by our very own Monty Don pitch prep crew who have been over the last two months tending the pitch with great passion and pride with the help of Colin/Ian (directors of all things cricket prep) advising on all matters very important to maintaining the very best strip on the circuit. There’s been Warwick, Nick, Tommy Gun, Lord Cowan to mention just a few plus the bit part lot who helped prep the nets area and dig Somme like trenches with me. The pitch prep crew have been tirelessly working to get these games on and we all greatly appreciate what you have achieved in such a short spell and also your generosity of time. However, I do think when Warwick gets a proper job we will be fecked 😜. We applaud you Ramsbury legends❤️👏

Also, we must not forget our ole injured mucker Will who’s pretty savage injury has meant no cricket this season or indeed running up and down those Welsh fells either. He’s even gone to a radio 4 county cricket commentary to get a sympathy vote and at the same time got the Rampers cricket team a mention, well done mate….We will miss him dearly this season not only for his expertise as our modern day Derek Underwood and up there wicket taker but also as a pretty damn fine batsman too. With the operation looming this week, we wish you all the luck to get back to your sport billy twinkle toes but in the interim you’re not forgotten and getting off lightly as we will be bringing you over to the games so you can witness for yourself boom booms upgraded scoring mechanism whilst tucking into the delicious teas and hopefully watching some damn good leather on willow! Btw, a 50p fine for your wife not being able to drive and you having to endure Nicks driving to the hospital!

So where do we start….? Ah yes, we fielded first not sure if we won the toss or not but we tend to like it this way around so we know what we are up against. So as always our stalwart boom boom is first up to bowl and opens from the “bellend” and as our skipper commented in the post match interview “he’s as reliable as a metronome “ and metronome he was with an opening over taking a wicket ( I think caught behind) for only 1 run, get in there big Al, a great start 👏. Next up is the Wall ready to take out the bat that’s just dug a somme like trench in his newly tended strip whilst trying to find middle! With the normal blistering pace from the wall he slams it down the strip only for the bat to get a nice connection as it flys off to the boundary for a 4. No worries, 5 more to counteract that one which he did after getting his eye in and ending with a few dots and a first over of 7-0. Not a bad start for the wall.

Al steps back up and let’s just say he’s on fire, over after over with pin point accuracy he takes a 2 wicket maiden in his 5th over, after a skied edge from the big hitting bat was sent high into the sunny skies which I managed to catch (although I thought I might drop it whilst I casually trotted over to it!) Another Al special ensued and a clean bowl by an ever improving boom boom secured another wicket. Another maiden in the 7th and he finishes his stint on a glorious 3-23 👏💪💪. Top drawer bowling Al we salute you sir and now it’s got us all thinking we’d better up our game if we have any chance of an acceptance speech at the EOS awards. The wall continues with his usual tenacity and finishes on a decent and respectable 0-30 after 7 overs ( the final over coming in later on). . So after 13 overs it was 57 runs, 3 wickets and 2 maidens. Can’t complain at that. Next up to bowl were the dynamic duo Mr C Hockwell and Mr Ebil ( as written in the book!). Charlie up first a tad rusty ( his words) and off he goes. Bam a 4, but not deterred he continued to get his eye in and ended on 12 runs fair play mate.. So next is Mr Ebil, up I go and happy with a 2 run first over which was brilliantly defended and helped enormously by Jamie at somewhere near extra cover. Thanks to Jamies theatrical stops I managed a maiden 2nd over and a grand total of 0-27 after 7 overs ( would have had a wicket if red leader 1 Roberts had caught behind, just saying 😜) . Mr Ebil was okay with that whilst Mr Hockwell finished on a 36-0 after 5 overs. Well done Hocky….

I must also mention that whilst all this was happening Malc was replicating a whippet chasing rabbits on the boundary stopping anything in sight, a marvel to witness for us all which also was shown in Al’s appreciative scoring later in the pub ( although a couple of lagers may have helped!). Nevertheless a brilliant spell in the field. With some decent batsman out there everyone was being tested in the field with two of them retiring on 52 and 50 👏.

Rich was next to grace the popping crease and lace the ball down the strip with a first over of 12 pitching a bit too short and to be fair the batsman were middling anything that pitched short for us all in hope of a sneaky 4 or even better a 6 ( happened to me 2, 6’s off mine as I pitched short!). Only 2 overs for Rich and 21-0, that’s alright. Mr J Juss ( as written in the book) steps up and bam, a maiden over and then a wicket clean bowled in the 2nd. A mixture of pacey deliveries, loopers and spin, most perfect indeed. A beautiful delivery in the 4th over and Red leader 1 snaps up the chance with safe hands to secure another wicket for Juss! Finishing on 21-2, amazing that’s what it was…. Finally, Tom C ( new to us , well me at least) has his debut and steps up to pace a few down the strip, first was a wide, no problem kid, wang a few more down there and let them know you’re here and indeed he did, some delicious deliveries turning sweetly in the humid air ( wish i could do that) bang on point and the bat having all sorts of trouble trying get them away. A breakthrough, a beautifully time stinger a swing and a miss, stumps flying!!’ Love that, ending a great spell with 11-1 off 4 overs, well done sir ( I will mention at this point you were down in the book as “seamer” 🤷‍♂️)😁

I should have updated where we were on the scoring but got carried away.

25 overs in 120 runs and 3 wickets and 2 retiree’s. The next 10 overs went like this, 56runs and another 3 wickets. 💪Ending on 176 after 35 overs and 6 wickets…. A big number to chase down but not insurmountable by any stretch. Well done all….

So after a sumptuous tea which we all very much enjoyed which included a homemade very delicious coffee and walnut cake (thanks to Mrs Ebil) plus other goodies to savour from the team it was time to pad up… We sauntered off to the changing rooms to chat tactics and get ready for action…

So after digesting our sumptuous tea we padded up in readiness for the big 2nd half knock.. Laurence and Jamie were to open the batting. We had two mega reliable batsmen which we all had full confidence in 😳! Cmon the lads, no pressure….

Laurence faced first ball was a dot, then another dot, dot again and then his eye in and a beautiful boundary 4💪💪. Last ball a single and we are off to a 5 which is decent. So next over similar and between them both, another 4 and 2. 11 off 2 overs, that’s good. Roll the clock forward and these boys between were smashing them out the park with 4 after 4 and Jamie running them up on the 2’s much to Laurence’s reluctance to run anymore and was quite happy in the crease hitting the boundaries ( I like your style Laurence). So how did this play out? Welford decided to close in on some tight fielding for some reason which gave the boys another go at smashing through the tight field and onto the boundary. An absolute master class in “racking them up”. 10 overs in we are 78 for no wickets and well ahead of the required run rate. Top job you legends… The continuation of boundary after boundary racked up a total of 102 runs between the opening pair.WOW!!!

Laurence retiring on 50 with an incredible 10 x 4’s💪well-ard indeed and Jamie’s magnificent total of 52 including 8 x 4’s and 2 x 6’s 💪💪💪. An amazing partnership which saw them both wander back to the pavilion with a well deserved Cheshire Cat grin on their chops, top job the lads!! Next out there was Rich which unfortunately was short lived and he wandered back shortly after having been caught for 2 runs. Never mind, we were still well ahead of the run rate . Up steps Red Leader 1 Roberts to put his recent batting coaching to good use partnering alongside Tom. A few singles to settle in and then a nice little 4 adding to the big number already on the board, well done that man. Tom was off to a flying start too with a couple of singles running them up and a cheeky little 4 to add into the mix. We could see this would end well if we kept our cool and just played the cricket we know we can do and they did just that. Tom amassed another 4 x 4’s and gave the bowler nay respect and blasted a massive 6 into the tennis courts!! After 20 overs, 1 wicket and 141 runs we pretty much knew it was in the bag, so those of us down the batting order confidently de-padded and sat back swigging moretti beer waiting for the over the line number to roll in and roll in it did. Red Leader 1 finished on 16 not out and Tom finished on a fantastic 42 not out too, not bad for a debut ( that did bring about a fine though!).

A big well done team Rampers on a job which showed a brilliant display of teamwork and togetherness. 💪

A final big thanks to Laurie for scoring with her beautifully scripted handwriting which made my job a whole lot easier as it was legible for a change!

All that was left to do now was to head off to the pub to witness a master class from boom boom Al on his scoring of the days events and have it all on camera which he did with great character as usual ( nothing made sense you understand).

Thanks all, this a complete work of fiction, it’s mainly made up and full of bollox….Go safe til next time

Your very own, Seano x