Telling Tails — Sundaze vs Kennet Valley

Hello again, yes it’s me…Do you wanna know how Sunday went vs Kennet Valley??? Then read on and brace yourself for a work of complete bollox, fiction and everything else poetic licence that makes absolutely no sense! You know like Al’s scoring 🤔

Here we go, a most wonderful and fruitful game of cricket as it turned out last Sunday vs the very lovely opponents Kennet Valley, a fixture we dearly look forward to ( unlike last weeks oppo, less said about that the better. Calm down Warwick, they’ve gone now 😖 !).

So how’d it go…Firstly a boiling hot sunny afternoon with the usual Ramsbury Barmy Army crashing through the turnstiles trying to get a glimpse and closer look at their hero’s and in particular Ramsbury’s skipper Red Leader 1 Adonis Roberts ( freshly back from his family trip to Greece looking Adonis like or just very perma tanned and ready for the social media cameras rolling! ) After signing a few autographs RL1 as we will call him rallies us all up for a team talk to get the order of the day and set tactics. After the slight confusion of who was batting first ( I believe they agreed to as they were waiting for players to arrive only having 8 at time of play), it was decided that we will field first… I must at this point out that Boom Boom had announced that morning we were to be introduced to a new scoring mechanism for this week which we were all very anxious about and how this may affect our standings in the race for the seasons Big Al awards…. The pressure was on…How was it going to pan out for us all? 🤔 Worried looks on all faces.

Kitted up looking mighty fine in our pressed whites we asked to have a team photo which KV kindly did for us and all 10 of us looked great, yes 10 of us ( the no show a new name for him “no Joe” was AWOL). So we all had to endure a 50p fine for not noticing this in the photo until we were writing up the batting order and couldn’t work out where the 11th man was! We fielded the whole game with 10! Joe got the max fine of £2.50 😁, sorry mate…. As we trotted out to the strip we also noticed dobbo was sporting some new Bobby dazzler cricket trainers, so that was another 50p fine, the fines were in play.

Al was to open the bowling as per usual from the bellend…. Quality as per, a good start with only 2 runs. The Wall next and 6 off his, not a bad start .. Al gets a maiden in the 3rd and finishes his 7 overs, 0-22 with one maiden 👏. The Wall is 23 runs after 5 with a maiden in his 5th. He’s back later…

Next up is myself ( Evan in the book) and big Tommy. It’s our turn to try and send a few back for an early bath as they are now 47 for 12 overs, tight bowling and fielding and a good start from RL1’s crew….. Not the best start for me with 5 off the first over and Tommy starts his with an 8….Cmon the Rampers, we go again and 7 off my next, Tommy has a few dots a no ball 6 I think, then an lbw, bootiful my friend Tommy does his usual fist pump, three somersaults and one arm press up in celebration like any good Hull supporter would do, 1-14, nice one. Not being deterred by a northerner upping his game to shame a shandy swilling southerner, I enter my 3rd over and bam, a couple dots then an lbw and clean bowled sending both batsman back to the pavilion, pass them the soap! I’m happy with that and thinking I might actually be in the running to catch up boom booms great wicket taking for the season thus far 🤔. That’s 2-9 for me and a chuffed nug. Tommy finishes on 1-16 ( respect) off 3 overs. I take another wicket in the 4th and another in my 7th finishing on 4-12, after 7 overs and one maiden probably my best ever? Anyway, I’m happy with that and we are on a roll. I must also point out that Charlie took a fine in the field for spooning back a stop and hitting himself in the eye, looked painful but his own fault 😜, thanks for stopping as it was boundary heading and on my over ❤️. Btw, a number of feck ups had not gone unnoticed in the field with a dropped catch from James and Pol Panini pulling out of a catch, dobbos drop too and Charlie threw the ball to Ninja thinking he was the wicket keeper 🤷‍♂️. All received a fine as per Sunday rules.

Up steps Pol or Panini as it’s written in the book🤷‍♂️, go girl, tearing in from the boundary as though she was qualifying at Monaco in Warwick’s mustang, a cartwheel action bowl , straight as an arrow and dot, she’s off to a fine start. Opening over 0-2, banging result indeed. James ( his first game of cricket for years ) steps up and does a respectable 0-9, nice one and then Panini cracks on to competently finish 4 overs on 0-21, a very good performance Pan!!! James takes a wicket in the 3rd from a catch (think it was Tommy who casually took it and even looked like he knew what he was doing! Yes I did say that… Chris you missed that on the fines list!)…😁) sorry Tommy, didn’t mean it..

Finishing on 1-16 after 4 overs 👏👏.

Well what do we say about Mr Charlie Hockwell? A nice opener Hocky, a couple of singles, a wide then bam with a perfectly pitched bowl it resulted in a catch ( don’t remember who, soz) so that’s 1-3, cracking start grommit. What about this then, a second wicket in his next over bowled and pitched nicely onto the bails, bootiful indeed Hocky…That’s 2-14 as a finishing spell off 3 overs, nice one. I think the wall took the last wicket in the 33rd over cleaned bowled and a beauty it twas too. All out for 128, good job all. Back to the clubhouse for a delicious ready made and beautifully displayed tea by our lovely ladies and the very best on the Sunday circuit. Sans quails eggs as Ninja omitted to furnish us with them so that was a fine!…

Grub up, back later for the batting

After putting away as much tea as we could handle we took up our positions outside to hear from RL1 the batting order of the day. We also provided a few extra hands in the field to help out our friends KV due to their low numbers. A big thanks to all who stepped up and did some extra fielding whilst still trying to digest the sumptuous and fancy tea. So with everything slushing about off they went. It was decided that Ninja and the Wall should open so Ninja Nick was first on strike and from the off KV were very strong and put the boys on the spot with great length and pace. Fair play to the openers, no panic Mr Mannering, they just found the block which was needed to create a tad of frustration in the bowlers. Ninja held firm and battened the hatches down so we only managed 1 run in the first over. Frustrating as it was this was about not losing wickets and settling in and settle we did. The first 3 overs only awarded us 4 runs and 2 of those were extras! It looked tough out there which surprised me as they didn’t look like a team that had much to offer at first but looks were definitely deceiving. So s continuation of dots and the odd run, the bowler saw a loose brick in the wall ( like that?) and as the wall stepped forward to block the ball took a nice pitch inwards from the leg side to give a plumb LBW. Not much anyone could do about that and the Wall retreats to the pavilion to digest the coffee and walnut cake having faced 12 balls without getting off the mark. So we are now after 4 overs, 5 runs for 1 wicket. Who’s up next, ah yes my ol mate Charlie Hocky Hockwell. Full of the joys of spring and bouncing around like a new born lamb, off he goes into battle. A quick glance around a chat with Ninja on the square talking tactics and he saunters off to scratch a nice fresh trench in the crease for middle! The bowler paces it in and a nice little pad away from Charlie boy. He’s relieved, he’s survived the first ball ( that’s a common thought that crosses every bats mind) . Nick is getting the measure of these boys and not letting them through his guard and so far we have only managed singles and the odd extra but Nick manages to squeeze in a couple of runs off a ball. Are we now off the mark I hear you say, well the answer is no, not quite!! Do not much action for Charlie however it’s his turn to face having only faced 1 ball so far. The same bowler that took the Wall out bowls our Charlie boy out and sends a him back to finish off the coffee and walnut. We are now at the end of the 6th over and 2-11. Need to up our game boys and girls…..Next in the firing line is the Adonis RL1, out he strides confidently towards the square. Can he save us, cmon skip!!! So he gets off to a 1 run first ball💪. Followed by a 4, then a few dots and another 4 a 1 a 4, we are going good. Ninja is starting to find the gaps and him too, the 4’s and quick singles are flowing in. Go well boys and we certainly did and runs starting racking up. Even the change in bowlers isn’t helping KV out. Roll this on a bit and we are cooking on gas, after halfway we are chasing that 128 down and have racked up 89 runs and well ahead of the run rate required, get in Ninja and RL1….So all the time we are enjoying the sound of leather on willow, our very kind volunteers in the field are making a few feck ups, we have James doing a flat handed goalkeeper dive to catch a ball for the oppo and ends up in a crumpled heap nursing a very bruised hand although you did stop it sailing off for a 4, very commendable but a 50p fine for the drop and almost broken hand!!! That’s commitment for you. Also the wall fielding with a beer, I like your style and when he ran for a ball he dropped it, so 50p for fielding with beer and 50p for spilling it! Alan very kindly did his stint as umpire but couldn’t give an LBW as he had a cheese roll in his mouth - 50p I’m afraid boom boom.

Anyway onto matters important like where are we on the runs? So the boys are having the time of their life racking up the runs with 4’s and quick singles, it’s going well keep it up. Ninja Nick impressively achieves his half century with 51 runs in only 60 deliveries in 62 minutes. Dizzy with excitement he wanders back to the pavilion listening to the rapturous applause and adulation from the pleased onlookers and thinking also about the big score he hopes to be awarded from boom booms new scoring mechanism!! Will it happen?? Well done Ninja.

Cmon big Tommy boy your turn… Striding out with confidence he can see today is going to be his day to run a few up with his ol mucker RL1. KV can see the writing on the wall but are in a good friendly spirit having bants and generally enjoying a good game of Sunday social cricket with another bunch of carrot crunchers.. This was good to see as everyone was relaxed. So off with a dot, a run, a few more dots, more singles then out with the big gun 4… Nice work, good running and then Tommy smashes for a boundary and middles his foot with the bat! The yelp could be heard from the manor locks we were told, so as sympathetic as we were ( not) a 50p fine for smashing his foot and 50p for the yelp!!! He soldiered on like the well ard northerner he is and racked up more 4’s with his ol mucker RL1. Talking of skip, where is he in the batting stakes as he’s been out there some while. Determined to bring the bacon home with Ramsbury CC on 22 overs 118 runs and only 2 wickets life looked good. Can he seal the day? Not if billy bayliss the bowler can help it ( let’s just call him that!). So a beautiful delivery by is pitched perfectly and slotted past RL1’s guard only to be clean bowled…Such a shame but what a fantastic knock indeed from skip and now that Laurie has started timing us in and out it was an impressive 1hr 11mins, facing 38 balls and 39 runs 👏. Respect my man…. What’s Al’s scoring going to produce 😥 . Dobbo being the kind lad that he is, gives up his batting order to allow our newbie James to have a knock in his place. It had nothing to do with dobbo eyeing up the rest of the egg sarnies honestly! Out you go Jim bob and finish these boys off. A few dots to get comfortable and bam the singles come flying in , run them up we shout and as Jim bob is fitter than a butchers dog that was dead easy, not so sure for Tommy though. Between them they brought it home, another 4 from big T and the ones from Jim bob…Over the line we go with 10 overs to spare. A cracking job against a very decent opponent. With beers raised in hands we welcomed both batters and fielders back to the clubhouse for couple of well earned beers. Tommy finished on 25 in just over 40 mins and James 5 in under 10.

Off to the pub now for the traditional video, beers and big Al’s scoring 😟

Thanks to Laurie for her beautifully crafted score book and plethora of colourful pens. Go safe all and as I said at the start, it’s all a load of fictional waffle and bears little resemblance to the truth.

In other words you can’t sue me… Seano