Telling Tails — Sundaze vs Falkland

Morning all, as it is still fresh in my mind. I thought I would give you the el reporto from sundazes game versus Falkland. We always look forward to this fixture as they are generally a damn good oppo. The weather was picture perfect with sunshine blazing, no wind and the strip looking like we could hold a county final bowls match thanks to our pitch prep crew Warwick, Nick, Ian and wise words from our Leeds fan Col… Thanks team as it looked amazing and mostly taken for granted so we salute🫡 you. The scene is set for what we hope will be a great afternoon of cricket.

Chris ( RL1) is in a deep conversation with their gaffer discussing rules for the game and quite simply we wanted our normal Sunday rules of 35 overs, hydration break at 17 and retire at 50 and come back in if all out and overs left. This was agreed and we are fielding first but before we do, let’s have a photo which we did and a very nice one to especially as we had a German porn star looky likey aka Monty sporting the tash and looking very suave indeed. Nice look…..

Opening pair as per usual are Boom boom and Jezzer. Al opens from the bellend and struts his stuff only to have his first ball as a backward flip almost clonking the umpire on the head! After the umpires initial trauma from nearly experiencing concussion he does that wiggly knee crossing sign to the scorers to signify a dead ball. What was that all about? So bowl #2, run up, over arm and again, the reverse throw, the umpire ducks, picks it up and throws it back to Al who drops it🤷‍♂️😂. Another wiggly knee sign to the scorers and £1 fine already. So a big cheer and lots of wheezy laughing, Al rubs his hands on his trousers to rid them of anything lard like and off he goes again and success, we’re off… Bowled straight as an arrow and just the one run ( wide) for his first over. Jezzers turn now and similar with just 2 runs. A great start boys and after 4 overs just 6 for Al and Jezzer on 2 after a nice maiden in the second over. A slow start for Falkland and after 8 overs they are only on 27, which should have been 23 if it wasn’t for me fumbling a catch on the boundary and if that’s not bad enough, pushing it over the line for a 4! Sorry Jez…A 50p fine flying my way…

A continuous spell of good quality bowling and Jezzer has another maiden in his 5th and finished on 19 off 7 overs with 2 maidens, yahoo! Al 26 for 7 and a nice start guys 45 in total off 14 overs…I’m up next ( or Evans as it’s written in the book) Someone even shouted Evil with an extra L but somehow is translated to Evan’s 🤷‍♂️. As per I’m showing off my 90 degree run up to try and put the bat off and take a few wickets and send these openers back to the pavilion! Off I go and a pleasing maiden first over. The wall steps up and getting his eye in, threw a few extras and 8 off the first. 2 runs off my next over and I’m happy but the wall had a bit too much pace which resulted in a number of wides a costly over with 20 runs off it. Cmon, we can refocus and get back on track. The wall has a break and Tommy steps up to throw a few down. A few more wides and a couple singles getting his eye in. I have a third over and just one boundary 4. Between us we were trying to keep it tight but inevitably the odd boundary, extra etc is totting up their score. So they are 86 after 20 overs and no wickets… Thankfully I manage an LBW on bat #2 on my next over sending him on his way so that’s a start, we need to keep it tight and push on. So big Tommy continues his onslaught of pacey bowls mixed with loopers which is confusing the bat ( and all of us really). They were effective in putting them off although they are now starting to slog out and go for gold. Another beauty delivery Tom boy, the bat strikes it towards the boundary and heading directly toward me. I manage to clasp it out the sky safely notching a well earned wicket for my northern buddy💪. That’s 2 wickets boys, and we are on 25 overs, 108 runs so plenty of time to send them packing. I have a breakthrough in my 6th over and clean bowl their Mr big hitter who was sent to the pavilion on a respectable 46 👏. 3 yes 3 wickets, we need another and indeed we did, I managed a 3rd wicket possibly caught by our very own porn star Monty but can’t be sure on that. Thanks all, that was 3-18 for me. Tommy finishes on 1-31. The wall and Rich finish off the overs with a run out on Rich’s watch which the umpire wasn’t going to give despite the fact his bat made a trench in the strip a metre from the crease. Eventually he saw sense after Rich lambasted him like an angry cage fighter and up went the finger and off he trotted to the pavilion. Rich immediately apologised for his out of character outburst ( funny though). We are nearing the end now and 32 overs in we are chasing 170 with 5 wickets down. The wall gets his sights in and nails the final wicket of the game on his last over finishing 57-1 and Rich 21 off 3 overs. Final check out was 179…

So unusually too many extras ( 30) hasn’t helped and now given us a target of just over 5 per over…it’s doable but can we do it? Let’s see but after tea….

The tea was outrageously good as usual with the added premium feel of charcuterie, cheeses, french bread, red, white and rose to accompany it all. Thanks Jezzer for the wines and Nick for the Brie it was very much appreciated by all….Tea consumed, batting order handed to Laurie, we are ready to roll.

Nick and the wall march out to battle with Nick facing. A wide first ball, Nick then gets a good shot in and is up and running with a 2 off the first ball and then a single and Warwick is on strike. A pacey bowl ensues and a swing and a miss, he’s bowled cleanly and off for an early bath 🛀, 50p and a 🦆. Bad luck ol fella. Laurence up next and despite forgetting the crisps ( only job mate, just saying) we forgave him and thought redeem yourself with a decent knock. After settling in with a few dot balls, there was a mix up with going for a single and Laurence made a run for it but not quite at the crease and had to watch the bails fly into the air, so a £1 fine follows him to the pavilion 50p for a 🦆 and 50p crispgate. Damn, 2 down , 2 overs and 8 runs!!! So not looking so good as the wall lasted 2 mins and Laurence 4 mins.

Here he comes, RL1, our saviour we hope, we need some stability skip. Out he strolls to face the first ball and it’s a no ball. A few dots another no ball and a bye. That was a weird over…New bowler #1 back up and a 4 from skip, nice one so let do that again but the bowler has other ideas and sends one flying into the stumps and another wicket gone 😬. So 13 runs, 3 wickets after 3 overs. Total innings mate 6 mins so we have improved!!

Monty porn star up next hopping and skipping out to the strip like a new born lamb ready to do some damage to these bowlers. At this point Nick is thinking what the feck is going on. He’s seen 3 exits in 3 overs. Cmon Monty boy let’s show them. Between them they are forging a good partnership with good calls and nicking the odd one or two but it’s tight bowling so settle in mate. This looked like we were starting to settle until our nemesis #1 bowler sends one down to Monty up it goes only to be caught in mid flight, unlucky mate, you guys were looking good. You did stay in a record 26 mins 👏. So 42 runs, 4 wickets off 9 overs. Who’s next in the firing line, ah yes, our very Richy G 123 ( just made that up as it rhymes 🤷‍♂️). Not saying anything, just do your stuff…. Rich settled in nicely as expected as after all he is calmness personified. A few singles and then some beautifully struck boundaries and a pleasure to witness. Nicks running them up with a couple of really nicely timed 4’s on the bounce, great job ninja. Facing the Bedford bowler the ball comes in down leg, Nick pushes left foot forward leans into the stroke and the ball travels inward onto his back foot, the oppo appeal, the umpire deliberates for a second or two and then gives an LBW. Nick convinced it was missing reluctantly and disappointed walks back to the pavilion but on a respectable innings let’s not forget of 23 and innings time of 64 mins. A Decent knock today ninja. So we are now 70 runs, 5 wickets off 14 overs.

Okay Tommy gun…. In you go boi, sort these bowlers out will you. First bowl a bye, second a dot and third, yes you’ve guessed it, bye bye clean bowled and back to the pavilion with a somewhat bamboozled and confused look on his face whilst transferring 50p from his phone to the cricket club for the 🦆and 4 mins on the clock ⏰ . All this time Rich 123 is racking them up and looking strong as the bowling is super good and catching us off guard. We gotta change something if we want something out of this match. Jezzer boy next, padded up and ready to get stuck in. A dot to ward off the bowler so good stuff. Next bowl, a similar ball but this time an LBW and damn, back you go to tuck into your wine and transfer the 50p for the 🦆 this was a 2 mins stint mate. 😟.

Me next and the second week I get to bat which I’m looking forward to. After a quick chat to Mr calm about the state of affairs I settle in and take a few dot balls a couple of singles. Rich too racking the runs up and having lost 2 wickets in quick succession, we are 100 runs short of our target on 15 overs and 3 wickets left, a tall order I hear you say and yes it was…Nevertheless we were up for the challenge. Roll the clock forward and we were doing okay and getting a nice rhythm, seeing off the bowlers, grabbing the odd boundary so we felt good and said we need to stay in as plenty of overs left to rack em up. . We stayed together as a partnership until the 29th over where unfortunately Rich was going for gold and swung through the ball it misses his bat and bam, bails flying and clean bowled. A great knock Richy G 123, a very very respectable 42 runs in 1hr 32mins, 👏👏👏. Thank you as we needed that performance AMAZING.

In comes robocop to face billy Bedford bowler. Not phased Robo sets up middle, looks around , adjusts his helmet and here we go…A flyer of a bowl and straight as an arrow, a step forward a mis stroke , the wicky sweeps it up and bam, bails fly, Robo is out of his crease and sent packing although I think Robo thought it was a clean bowl as it happened so fast. A 50p for the 🦆and 50p for thinking you were bowled! 😳.

142 off 31 overs and 9 wickets gone. Just my ol bowler mucker boom boom now. He’s a great batter btw, good confident style and can hit a ball sweetly. Al settles in with a couple of dot balls and then some singles and is well and truly up and running. I try to get the singles but conscious of Al’s peg leg so only go for easy 1’s and 2’s . It works for a while until I see the score board and think I’ve just gotta go for boundaries with a couple of overs to go and 25 or so runs to get. A peach of a bowl a Yorker in fact which clean bowled me and a very decent bowl bowler #2, you deserve that one. It was nice to have a knock with my ol mate who did great and we racked some runs up. I lasted 1hr 15 and 29 runs so I’m happy with that.

We finish on 21 short of target at 149 after 33 overs. A great finish and one that was close. A tough oppo as always but great fun with all the shenanigans throughout the day, drama, excitement and everything else that comes along with a RCC game of cricket. Well done all, back to the pavilion to sample some of Jezzers wine, Nicks Brie and listen to Dave and Nick debate the LBW!

We never went back to the pub this week as there was confusion over who was coming back, so no video of scores on the doors but those that did go back didn’t get a fine and Chris totted up the fines list which I’ll list below.

Fines...

Pub avoidance 50p for nick, Alan, monty, laurence

Ducks for malcolm, tom, Warwick, Jeremy, laurence 50p

Laurence 50p for getting run out 🤣

Laurence forgot crisps 50p and wasnt even down to buy them 50p

Alan 50p x 2 for the first two balls of the match, slipped out of his hand

Sean dropped catch and pushed it for 4, 50p also a slide tackle for a 4 50p.

Ninja 50p for bringing our club and the game into disrepute.

Laurence nutmegged 50p

Tom Misfield x 2 50p

Sorry laurence mate I think thats £2.50

So that was it really, a big thanks to Laurie as always for scoring and glad your op went well too ( make sure you’re at shalbourne😜). Onto next week and Shalbourne away. I hope you like the work of fiction so until next week, adios amigos…..❤️.

Love cricket 🏏

Seano